Dating/Relationship/Marriage Warnings Part (10)

Dear Loyal readers,

Tonight, I will expound on "things in common".

The more things in common you have with your girlfriend/boyfriend, or your husband/wife, the better the relationship will be both short term and long term!

In fact, the long-term relationship is the one which benefits the most from that. Again, the interests that people share help a relationship work even after so many years of marriage. For example, it would be good if both partners liked the same type of music, and it would be even better if they liked the same sports, etc...

So, when you are in the process of choosing a partner, make sure that you have something in common. Remember, the more, the better! This does not mean that you have to be identical. Some differences are welcome, as long as they are not fundamental!

Here is an example of a fundamental difference: if you value education, for example, and your girlfriend/boyfriend does not, this is a major and a fundamental difference that might lead to serious problems in the future. While you might think at first that this is "cute" or that "it's not a big deal", think again!

The reality is that this is going to affect your relationship drastically, should you decide to have children for example. Again, the minute you have children, you will develop the instincts of protecting them and doing what's best for them. If your partner does not value education and you do, this will be a source of major conflicts!

More on that next time.......

I bid you a good night!

Dr. Dreamer

Dating/Relationship/Marriage Warnings Part (9)

Good evening!

Last time, I talked a little about "having things in common" and how important that is in a relationship whether it is while dating, or during a marriage. A couple of days ago, I remembered something interesting, which I thought I would share with you.

First, I would like to mention that I do not have all the facts about what I am going to share with you. I remembered that Andre Agassi, the famous tennis player, married Brooke Shields. they were happily married for a while, and I even saw Andre on a show where he was talking about how many kids he and Brooke wanted to have. Needless to say that he and she were happy together at that point in time.

Then I remembered my "criterion" about having something in common. We all know that Andre Agassi and Brooke Shields divorced after a two-year marriage, and that, later on, Andre married Steffi Graf who is a famous tennis player! Interestingly enough, Steffi had just come out of a seven-year relationship with a race car driver!

It is clear that the passion they both have for the game has kept them together. This is what I meant by having something in common so that when love takes the back seat, there are still things to do and talk about together!

I will let you cogitate over this thought.......

Until next time, have a great evening!

Dr. Dreamer

Marriage/Realtionship Warnings (Flags) Part 6

Hi everybody,


One of the most important warnings ever, when you are in a relationship as boyfriend/girlfriend, is your partner's immediate family!

Well, you might think at first:"what's this got to do with my girlfriend/boyfriend?"

It has a LOT to do with it! In fact, this is one of the most important factors in determining whether your relationship, whether as boyfriend/girlfriend, or as a married couple, will last. The reason is, again, in the beginning of a relationship, both of you will stand up to your respective families because you are in love. However, as years go by, love will not be as strong as it once was, most of the time, and as a result, if there are enough incompatibilities between you and your in-laws, problems will arise. This does not mean that you have to agree with your potential in-laws about everything, but generally, you have to make sure that there are some common grounds in thinking.

These problems get multiplied over the years, and interestingly enough, yet sadly, each one of you will eventually agree more with his/her family than with his/her partner. So make sure, from the beginning, that you see eye to eye with you future in-laws about important matters, especially raising children. Remember that the minute you have a child, your whole perspective about life changes, and your child will become the most important thing in your life!
Differences, as to how to raise the children, could cause enough dissension so as to bring about a divorce.

If you do not pay attention to this piece of advice, you will regret it, as the incompatibilities may very well ruin your marriage.

More, on this very important note, later.

Until then, I bid you a good night!

Dr. Dreamer

Marriage Warnings Part 5

There is reader who left me a comment and a question. First, thank you for your compliment about the site!

Second, in regards to additional tips about marriage warnings, if you see or sense from start that your boyfriend/girlfriend is interested in the money you are making, or potentially the money you are going to make, then it means that there is some greed that is taking place. This would eventually lead to serious problems later on in a relationship.

More next time...

Dr. Dreamer

Marriage Warnings (Flags) Part 4

Hello everybody!

The gist of selfishness is when you feel that your wife/husband is taking a lot and not giving much in return. For example, If he or she is not helping as much as you do around the house, or in driving, etc...

In my case, my ex did not really help when we moved, which we did several times including moving out of state. I could see that my ex did not really care that much that I was doing all that work by myself, yet, in the beginning of our marriage, I did not pay to much attention to that.

Keep an eye on all those things that might seem trivial now. These are the warnings, or the flags, that you should be paying attention to from the beginning. If you see any of these, make sure to be very careful.

The most important lesson here is to try to find out whether your husband/wife is as devoted as you are. This is really critical to know before making the decision of having kids. Once you have kids, your life will change forever, so make sure that you are starting on the right foot

More on my next post!

Have a good afternoon!

Dr. Dreamer

Marriage warnings Part 3

Hi from Dr. Dreamer,

Here is an example of selfishness on the part of your spouse. If he or she finishes some of your favorite food before you come home from work or school!

Your spouse should be thinking of you, and of the fact that you will come back home possibly tired and hungry. If she or he went ahead and finished the food, that is a sign of selfishness. This is the type of behavior that gets much worse over the years, and then you realize that the flags were there, but you just did not see them!

Another example is if your spouse has a different schedule from yours, and does not pay attention to your schedule. What I mean by that is if your spouse does not have to get up early in the morning, whereas you do, but he or she does not care about the fact that you have to go to bed relatively early in order to wake up early, and she or he decides to go to bed late and turns up the TV while you are trying to get some sleep!

This is total lack of empathy, and shows serious signs of selfishness. Your spouse and you should be coordinating your schedules so that they fit both of your needs. Now, this does not mean that your spouse cannot watch TV while you are in bed. He or she may watch as long as the TV is not too loud. In fact, this shows that your spouse cares about you and about your health/schedule!

Want to read more on that.......
Please come and see my next post!

Dr. Dreamer

Marriage Warnings Part 2

I would like to continue what I started last time. One of the flags is, for instance, if you see that your spouse behaves somewhat selfishly. In the beginning, when you are in love, you may not be paying so much attention to that thinking that this is a "small thing" and that it is not that important!

The truth is that most factors/defects get multiplied over time, over the course of a marriage. What might seem like a small thing to you in the beginning of your marriage, might appear horrendous a few years later. So bear that in mind, and look for those flags from the beginning to make sure that you do not embark on the marriage journey, which is of of the most challenging journeys in our lives, without having examined the warnings.

Do you want some examples of selfishness?

Dr. Dreamer

Marriage Warnings part 1

Hello everyone,

Some of the marriage warnings are there from start, yet we either do not see them, or prefer not to see them. You really should be paying attention to these warnings!

You think that you are going to make him/her change over time and that things are going to be perfect! the truth is that, most of the time, it is very difficult to change somebody, unless he/she is willing to change.

More on that next time!

Have a great evening!

Dr. Dreamer